


Boys & Boys (November 13, 2021)

by aforgetfulgirl, hangonsilvergirl



Series: The Order of Weed [14]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Swearing, no magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 08:51:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1976673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aforgetfulgirl/pseuds/aforgetfulgirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangonsilvergirl/pseuds/hangonsilvergirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where there are tits, dirty underwear, and Doctor Who. </p><p>A continuation of Stories from East Portlemouth Prep/Badly Made Bridges.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys & Boys (November 13, 2021)

"You have no idea, Harry. The photographer just had _no_ idea. Mother told hair and makeup to forget everything and gave them a whole new set of instructions. Honestly. I highly doubt Francisco Naremount will be shooting headshots for anyone decent again in _quite_ some time. The shots turned out brilliant, of course, becaue I'm absolutely infallible in front of a camera, but we're still going to London next Salcombe weekend. Mother's hand picked her own hair, makeup, and wardrobe people, and Emmeline has agreed to be the one behind the lense. Her studio is supposed to be legendary. I don't know why we didn't just do that in the first place," Draco rambled. "That's what comes from charity, I suppose. Mother won't be giving any more chances to relative unknowns, no matter whose cousin they are."

Draco was in Harry's back yard positioned artfully on his side, head propped up elegantly on one arm. It was a cool November day, but Draco didn't mind the weather. He had enough cashmere v-necks and stylish European coats to get him comfortably through the upcoming winter. In fact, he couldn't wait to accessorize with some of his new scarves and hats.

"Hey Harry," Ron called then, a smirk on his face as he, Fred, and George crossed the yard towards them. "Are you _always_ with him, Malfoy?"

Draco had made no attempt to quiet his lofty voice--he never bothered to censor himself around Harry because Harry was safe space, and even if he did make fun of him sometimes, it was only _Harry_ \--but the unexpected arrival of some of his least favourite people had Draco sitting up and glaring automatically.

"Thank goodness for every minute he does, lest he let your barbaric crudeness contaminate him overly much," Draco responded automatically. "Besides, he likes me better."

"Do you always sound so gay, Malfoy?" Ron retorted.

"Yes, and it's catching. You should probably leave," Draco replied quickly, before Harry could reprimand either of them.

"It's the model!" George exclaimed with a grin, waggling his eyebrows and walking over to clap Draco hard on the back. "How are you, old chap? All the make-up and imported furrs keeping you together all right? Ooh, are those _Italian_ loafers?"

"We're completely awed by your presence, of course," Fred said, plopping down in a chair and winking at Harry, who was rolling his eyes. "Always a treat to be in the company of the biggest ferret this side of Liverpool."

" _Fred_ ," Harry said, frowning. "Come on. Don't be a dick."

"Impossible, lad, it's one of my humanizing faults. Adds to my charm," Fred replied. "Malfoy'd know nothing of that though, what with the sun shining out of his arse and all."

Ron snickered then and exchanged a quick high five with Fred.

Draco lifted his chin and looked down his nose at the twins, leaning away from George's hand. "First of all, don't touch me. Second of all," Draco paused dramatically here and smirked, "don't hate me because I'm beautiful. It isn't my fault you're all ginger and freckled and _common_."

"Come on, none of this," Harry said irritably, giving everyone one of his mother's patent 'Don't cross that line, young man' looks that she usually reserved for when he drank straight out of the milk jug, or left his dirty underwear hanging on the railing. "If you're going to be here be civil or I'm going to leave myself. I'm not a referee."

"Which is just as well as they stripes would clash horribly with _your_ horrid, common complexion," Fred said with mock-thoughtfulness. "Assuming, of course, Harry's permitted to muck about with us ginger heathens today."

"Mmm, he probably only keeps us about at school to help remind Draco of just how _beautiful_ he really is," George added, nodding as he and his brother looking meaningfully at one another, and after a moment burst out laughing.

"Tit!" Fred said with a snort.

"Harry isn't common. Pale skin, dark hair, and smouldering, intense eyes are the opposite of common," Draco replied disdainfully, ignoring the comment about his being beautiful. The fact that it came from a Weasley made him ill anyway, and his reaction was automatic. Defend Harry. The second the words came out, though, he blinked, hesitated a moment, and then shot a lazy smile at Harry. "Never mind his animal magnetism and raw sex appeal. I believe the word I'm looking for here is _delicious_."

"Ew, Malfoy," Ron grunted.

Harry gave Draco a bit of a shove. "Is it possible to have a conversation between the five of us that doesn't involve being unnecessary gits to one another?" he asked, annoyed.

"No," Fred and George said together.

"And it won't mean shit if I say you're all good blokes and you'd probably like one another if you gave it a chance?" Harry asked, knowing full well the answer.

"Certainly not," Draco replied, tossing his hair out of his eyes elegantly.

"He probably doesn't even associate with people who refer to themselves as good blokes," Ron commented wryly. "Only gentlemen or fellows or some rubbish."

"I should be so lucky. I'd be happy to make Harry the exception to the rule--really Harry, you ought to work on your vocabulary--except I can't seem to escape the Weasleys. I suppose that's to be expected, what with how many of you there are." Draco relaxed back into the position he'd been in before the intruders showed up. "Now if you didn't need anything, shoo. We were talking, and you are most certainly not invited to join the conversation."

" _You_ were talking, actually, and we came to see if Harry fancied a game of footie," Ron said, pulling a face at Malfoy now that the berk didn't deign to look at them anymore. "A bunch of us are getting together in the park. Nev and Seamus and Dean and a couple other blokes. The regulars. You in?"

Harry shrugged. "Dunno. Draco came over first, mate," he said. "Unless you want to come play? Or watch. If not we'll do something else."

"Whipped!" George said, convering it up the word with a obviously fake cough and then grinning unabashedly.

"Harry's not whipped!" Ron protested on his best mate's behalf. "And if he were, it'd be by some gorgeous bird. Like Lavender Brown. Or Alicia Spinnet."

"Uh huh," Draco said, shooting an amused look at Weasley. "Whatever, Weasley number three. And Harry, think about what you're asking me. Do I want to sit in the park alone or with a gaggle of adoring girls while the lot of you get sweaty kicking around a football?" Draco asked, raising his eyebrows. "I highly doubt my presence would exactly be appreciated by all of the puffed up heterosexual boys."

"You're really bloody gay, Malfoy," Ron said, stunned. No matter how many years he'd spent around Malfoy, he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to the bloke, and he definitely would never like him.

"Well we'll do something else then," Harry said simply. Draco was there first, and Harry felt he owed him the afternoon. So much as he loved playing footie with the boys they'd only play it on break when they went back to school anyway, so what was the point really?

"Oh, _come on_ , Harry!" Fred protested. "Chele Bones has been trying to talk the girls into doing cheers for us!"

"Yes, think of the bouncing, if nothing else," George chimed in. "And Chele wants in your trousers like it's nobody's business, mate. You going to pass up an opportunity for a snog because of the likes of Malfoy?"

"Chele Bones," Ron reiterated helpfully, and then made a filthy hand gesture.

Draco looked at Harry for a moment and then looked down at his hand as he ran it through the grass. He curled his lip into a sneer as he looked back up and said, "Think of the bouncing all you like, Weasleys. She's never going to bounce in your direction. Harry, however, has a chance. So go if you'd like, Harry. Don't let the likes of me get in the way of an opportunity to partake in such unequivocally high quality boo-tay."

" _Boo-tay_?" Harry questioned with a wry smile. "And I honestly don't want to go over there just for the sake of her flaunting her bits at me. She's already let me touch _those_ anyway," he added a little braggingly, figuring he was entitled. "Oli's home, Draco. We can go drag him away from Uncle Remus and Uncle Sirius long enough to buy us booze or something. Watch old Doctor Who and get tossed?"

"You touched her tits, Harry?" George asked, pretending to fan himself. "If you're not going to come with us at least describe them, old boy!"

"Soft and supple? Hard like melons? Details, man!" Fred echoed excitedly.

"She has a pierced nipple," Ron supplied, pretending to swoon and looping an arm around Fred's neck for support. "Harry told me. It was a silver hoop at the time. Bloody buggering _hot_."

"You're making me ill, honestly. And I highly recommend you all get lives. Now if you'll excuse us, Harry and I have things to be getting on with," Draco interrupted, pleased. He got to his feet, delicately brushed his trousers off. He offered Weasley (the non-twin one of the three) an incredibly pleased smile and leaned close to whisper, "Told you he likes me better."

Ron shoved Malfoy away hard and rubbed at his ear. "Too bloody close, Malfoy. Poofter."

"Fourteen and her nipple's pierced. Christ on a pogo stick," George was saying, awestruck. "She's a danger to the heterosexual male species, that one."

"And the lesbians, George, don't forget the lesbians," Fred added pointedly. "Can you bloody fucking imagine?"

"Right," Harry said, half-laughing. "Have fun then. Maybe if you ask nice she'll take off her top for you while she's cheering. And stop pushing, children."

Draco stumbled away a few feet after Weasley shoved him, but he let himself fall into Harry a little, putting a hand around Harry's waist supposedly to steady himself. "Stop pushing indeed. Harry doesn't push. Do you, Harry? Because Harry's a nice boy."

"If you consider groping pierced nipples nice then I suppose he is," George commented.

"I consider it quite nice, personally!" Fred exclaimed cheerfully. "Keep up the good, wholesome work, Harry! Come on, Ron, leave Malfoy be or everyone's going to start without us."

Ron scowled at Malfoy a little, but Malfoy just smiled. "Annoying berk. Some other time then, mate. See you, Harry."

"Oh goodie, we're finally alone. Take me now, Harry Potter!" Malfoy quipped, giggling a little at the tension in Weasley's shoulders as he walked away. It was so easy to work the bugger up. "What a small-minded imbecile."

"You goad them, you know. It's a vicious circle," Harry said, watching the other boys go. "They're not all bad, I keep telling you. Ron punched Nott that time he was calling you a fairy princess and I wasn't around. He's a good sort, you know."

"Just because I goad them doesn't mean it's wrong," Draco said, letting go of Harry and starting to head for Remus and Sirius' since they were going to get Oliver. "They deserve it. And don't be ridiculous. Weasley wouldn't punch someone on my account."

"Yeah he did. In the commons, in September. Nott had overheard Pansy talking about that deal you had with Top Shop, and he started telling everyone there that you were a fluffy, pansy fruit and a fairy princess and guffawing as though he thought he was being clever in saying so. Ron drew off and punched him in the jaw. Hit him so hard he knocked out two of his bottom teeth. How the fuck do you not know about that?"

"What do you mean, how did I not know about it? I did know about it," Draco said with a roll of his eyes. "Nott has an enormous mouth, and it wasn`t hard to notice when suddenly two teeth were missing. He's boring and ugly, though. I didn't know it was about me, and I wasn't interested enough to enquire for further details. Though I'm still not sure I believe you. Pansy would've told me. Pansy loves me."

"Well Ron _was_ doing two sets of history homework for a month and wouldn't tell me who the other was for," Harry admitted. "Maybe that has something to do with it?"

"Pansy hates history. She thinks it's boring. And she's a total wench about secrets. How sneaky," Malfoy said thoughtfully, and then turned a gleeful smile in Harry's direction. "Obviously Weasley has a crush on me that he's repressing and attempting to bury beneath shallow discussion of bouncing girl parts. How terrible for him that the mere idea repulses me. I shall simply have to confront him at the most inopportune time and humiliate him horribly."

"Draco, seriously. He does a nice thing and... and _defends your honour_ and you're going to turn around and rub it in his face? That's horrible. What if I'd knocked out Nott's teeth?"

"Ah ha! You don't deny that he carries an enormous torch for me!" Draco said and clapped his hands together. "Of course he does. I'm very fanciable. Too bad he's a Weasley."

Draco thought it went without saying that if Harry knocked out Nott's teeth for speaking ill about Draco, Draco would be very chuffed indeed. Of course, it was also sort of expected, and if Harry _didn't_ knock out Nott's teeth, Draco would've been quite disappointed.

"What do you suppose would have more effect? Embarrassing him in front of all his macho mates, or telling Hermione Granger that he plays for the other team and letting it work it's way back to him? See, I worry for the state of my own teeth if I go with the former, but I fear everything will move far too slowly with the latter."

"Superglue women's knickers to his head, that'd be festive," Harry replied idly, knowing that Draco would never actually go through with it because talking was what Draco did, not acting on impulse. Besides, if he really _was_ going to to anything and told Harry, and Harry knew he was being serious, then Harry would very quickly talk Draco out of it. That was just how things went. "Although honestly he'd probably enjoy that too much. Uncle Sirius glued antlers on Dad's head once. That's how he got his nickname, you know, Prongs? And Sirius got Padfoot because he was a Peeping Tom. Spying on Hestia Lynch and Emmeline Toggles to boot."

"Hestia and Emmeline, hm?" Draco asked. He had a habit of calling adults by their first names--occasionally even his parents--becaues he believed it made him seem more mature. "If I could choose anyone to spy on at East Portlemouth, I suppose I'd choose Cedric Diggory. That boy is scrumptious. I've shaken the grape vine loads of times, and I still hear no whisper of possible homosexuality. Shame, that. He's too pretty to be straight."

"And if he was a poofter all the birds'd say he was too pretty to be gay," Harry replied. "Anyway, come on, enough of this, lets run and catch Oli before he goes out with Bill or something. He'll probably buy you scotch again if you ask nicely."

"You know, Oli's another I wouldn't mind catching a glimpse of," Draco said with a suggestive raise of the eyebrows. "I bet his body is _so_ toned... Oh, sorry, did you say enough of this mooning over unattainable boys? Yes, I know how sexually frustrating that must be for you. Oh, wait, that's me." Draco smirked wryly at Harry and then added, "And what he bought last time was absolutely horrid. I'd just as soon have whatever you had."


End file.
